If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize