He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
