After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
