Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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