The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
