he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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