I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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