You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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