i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
