hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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