i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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