He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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