My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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