Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
