Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
