Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude i'm inner monologue high
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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