Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
