I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
