Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
