I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
