P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
