I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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