Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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