dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my shit smells like andre
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
