Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
