I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
