My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
