tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
