chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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