If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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