weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
