Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
