Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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