I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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