Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
