My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
