The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
