I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
