I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
