I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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