It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
