i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
