its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
