So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
