I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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