Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
