your parents love me but you hate me
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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