She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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