Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
