Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
