Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
