i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
