I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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