You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
