Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
