It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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