Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
