we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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