That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
