I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
