So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
