adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
