he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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