eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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