A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
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The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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