I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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