haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
