oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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