The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
