Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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