I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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